Relief

All is well!!! Some little stuff going on, but nothing worthy of doing anything about, per Dr. Vish. Just have to watch my bleeding and if nothing changes, we'll just do the same tests again next year to see if anything's changed.

Phew!

Nervous

Nervous, sick with a cold, and having a hell of a time with my back. What a great day already.

Doc appointment for my results in one hour.

Hormones or ???

Not even sure what to write right now ... just on the verge of tears for no reason. Well, I guess stress is a reason. Mammogram was quick and pretty much painless yesterday. Will the results be ok?

Amazes me that all this time with my regular bleeding I thought "the change" was here. Seems I was wrong ... and I hate waiting to find out what's really wrong.

Seriously???

Today's first thought ... "Thursday. Ultrasound day."

The day actually started pretty great. Anya was in a great frame of mind for school. After dropping her off, I had some much needed friend time with Renee (and Aidan, of course) at Starbucks, dutifully drinking my 24oz of water (well, actually it was 23.7oz), enjoying a special treat ... a cranberry/orange scone (it's been a long time).

Then it was off for my ultrasound. Not much to prepare for ... gel wasn't cold on my belly, five minutes of pressing as lightly as possible on my very full bladder ... then BAM!

"Now I'll be doing the transvaginal ultrasound, and for that you'll need an empty bladder. The bathroom is right there."

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?? Seriously ... someone couldn't have mentioned that? I know, I know ... they don't hurt. Simply uncomfortable - no biggie. But I'm just ready for no one to be messing down there for a while. I already feel things I know there's no way for me to feel - it's all in my head. And of course, I've now been spotting all day again.

Tomorrow is my mammogram. Yay me.

Great.

My first thoughts this morning:

What time is it? Oh good - 1/2 hour before I really have to get up.

What day is it? Ok, Wednesday. Short school day.

I have a polyp.

Really? 4 seconds before I had to think about it??

Just a feeling ...

So, today I went for a long overdue gynecologist exam. Blood pressure up a little - no surprise, given the economic situation around here. (Wonder how long it will take me to find a job this time.)

I thought the exam would be mostly about the changes in my cycle. After all, I just finished a three-week period. I knew I'd be scheduled for a mammogram, as well as some blood tests to check my hormone levels.

What I didn't expect was the ultrasound I have to have on Thursday because I have what seems to be a large polyp. The NP seemed surprised at its size, and the fact it bled as soon as the speculum was in. The ultrasound will show just how big it is and if it starts in my uterus.

When my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, my dad with colon polyps and prostrate cancer, I just KNEW they'd be fine, and they are. It just KNEW it. Felt it in my bones that I didn't have to worry. When John was diagnosed with all his health issues, I knew it would be ok - he has to deal with stuff every day, but I didn't worry horribly. He's taking great care of himself.

Me, on the otherhand ... well, I have a really bad feeling. I don't think this will be simple. I don't expect a quick procedure in the doctor's office next week. I'm hoping that all I have to worry about is a more complicated procedure done at the hospital. I truly hope that will be the end of it.

But honestly, I don't think it will be. Just a feeling ... a very strong one.